


Obsessions

by SammyLuka



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Harry Lives, JB is here yet again, M/M, Songfic, and Eggsy cries a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 09:01:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8050231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammyLuka/pseuds/SammyLuka
Summary: Harry's dead and Eggsy's not quite taking it so well.





	Obsessions

_Sunday wake up, give me a cigarette._

Eggsy wasn't one to smoke. He didn't mind someone occasionally smoking a cigarette around him, but he never thought that he'd buy a pack with the intention of keeping it for himself. Harry had smoked when he got stressed. Eggsy had been the only one to know about this habit.

Eggsy stepped into the convenience store, his head held down and his hands in his jacket. He walked up to the front counter, and with tired eyes and a sore mouth, got himself a pack of fags and a new lighter. He had broken his last lighter against his - _Harry's_ \- bedroom wall.

_Last night's love affair is looking vulnerable in my bed._

As Eggsy stepped out of the store, his phone buzzed in his pocket. For the first few weeks, each time his phone vibrated in his pocket, Eggsy lit up with a bit of hope, some little voice telling him, in the very back of his brain, that it was _him_. It would be him with a little, "Come home to me, darling boy," or "I'd never leave you, dearest." That hope quickly diminished.

Eggsy leant against the convenience store's brick wall and pulled his phone out, unlocking it and taking a look at the message he had received. It was from the man he had went home with last night, texting him to ask if they could meet up again. Eggsy didn't remember giving the man his number.

_Silk sheet, blue dawn, Colgate, tongue warm._

Eggsy took out the pack of cigarettes and pulled one out. He held it in between two fingers and, with a hesitant sigh, lit it and pushed it in between his lips. He closed his eyes, took a drag, and let his head fall back against the wall.

Seconds after he closed his eyes, his head filled with thoughts of a man, a man with a nice house and nice things and pretty eyes. He was reminded of fleeting touches and praise and screams of terror and desperation. He thought up kisses that never happened, the taste of heady cologne and mint toothpaste and sweetness. Lavender tea and a love that never existed.

Eggsy quickly opened his eyes and doubled over, his eyes filling with tears and his stomach turning in knots. He stumbled over to his car and quickly climbed in, a sob forcefully pushing past his lips as he did so.

_Won't you quit your crying? I can't sleep._

Eggsy let the cigarette stay in between his fingers as he calmed himself, letting out the first few initial sobs. He hiccuped his way through the outburst until he had enough of a grip to start the car and pull out of the lot.

_One minute I'm a little sweetheart,_  
_And the next minute you are an absolute creep._

As Eggsy pulled into the driveway of his -Harry's, he reminded himself for the hundredth time that hour- home, his phone buzzed again with yet another message. It was another message from the man he had went home with. This one was quite creepy and even perverted, some would say. Eggsy hiccuped and blocked the number, then proceeded to erase the messages.

_We've got obsessions,_  
_I want to wipe out all the nasty thoughts,_  
_That come to me when I am holding you._

Eggsy sighed sadly and turned his phone off, shoving it into the pocket of his jacket. He wiped his face and opened the door to his car, throwing the cigarette to the ground and smothering it with the toe of his shoe as he stepped out. 

As soon as Eggsy walked into the house, he felt the tiniest bit of comfort. He immediately grabbed one of the suit jackets that used to belong to Harry that he had hanging up beside the door and pulled it to his chest, burying his face into it. It barely smelt like him anymore. His mind went back to the man with the pretty eyes, but the thoughts were happy and loving and fake. All fake. They never happened and they never would happen.

_We've got obsessions,_  
_All you ever think about,_  
_Sick ideas involving me, involving you._

Fuck, he was a coward. He couldn't get himself to just go to the fucking old man and tell him. Tell him everything. How he felt and how every waking moment was nothing but Harry Hart. He saw him and heard him and smelt him and it never stopped.

Eggsy dropped the coat and an uncomfortable lump formed in his throat. He stood up and heard the snorting of a dog, then JB was jumping at his feet and Eggsy was picking him up. He held JB close and began to cry again.

_Supermarket, what packet of crackers to pick?_  
_They're all the same, one brand, one name, but they're really not._

Eggsy thought back to the first week he had actually left the Kingsman headquarters after the incident. Merlin had ordered him to leave and go grocery shopping or something.  
He had said that he was tired of seeing Eggsy everywhere, but really, he was worried for the poor boy. He barely ate, barely talked, and he wasn't improving whatsoever.

Eggsy had left, practically a zombie, and the first thing he thought about was his mum. He hadn't seen her since the fight at the Black Prince (he had skipped out after giving her Harry's address). He thought he should bring her something, maybe some sweets for Daisy.

 _Look, look, just choose something quick,_  
_People are staring, time to quick and skin is on fire,_  
_Just choose something, something, something!_

The grocery mart was as dull as it ever was. Eggsy headed to an aisle where he could choose a packet of biscuits. He couldn't believe that he was at the fucking grocery mart after what had happened. He was staring at two packets of biscuits when reality finally started to settle in. He knew he was crying, could feel the hot, heavy, molten tears running down his cheeks. A few women and a young boy were staring at him, but he couldn't move. Couldn't breathe. He was still staring at the biscuits when a woman put her hand on his shoulder.

 _Pressure overwhelming,_  
_Next minute, I am turning out the door,_  
_Facing one week without food._

Eggsy had suddenly dropped both packages of biscuits and jerked away from the woman's touch that felt like a brand scorching his skin. His eyes darted to each spectator of his breakdown and then, without warning, he sprinted away, through the maze of aisles, and out the front doors.

By the time Eggsy was done reliving the memory, JB had wrestled from his arms and was nowhere to be seen. Eggsy practically crawled over to the couch then continued to cry, but now on the velvet sofa.

 _A day, a day, when things, things are pretty bad,_  
_But don't let it make you feel sad,_  
_The crackers were probably bad luck anyway._

Eggsy began to gather his thoughts, but he hadn't even realized that he bad been crying for over an hour. He sat up and cleaned his face up with a tissue from the box sitting on the coffee table. He thought back to the memory of the grocery mart and tried to tell himself that it was normal. It was normal to lash out after recently losing someone you loved so dearly. Someone that made your life so much better than it had been.

Daisy had never liked biscuits that much, anyway.

 _Can't let your cold heart be free,_  
_When you act like you've got an OCD._

Still crying, Eggsy thought it better to head upstairs to Harry's bedroom. Hey, he thought. You got it right for once. He sat up slowly, his body sore and slow from loss of sleep, and dragged his feet until he made his way to the staircase. It took Eggsy at least ten minutes to get up the stairs.

Harry's room was completely unchanged, except for the fact that his bed was newly made and an amount of his clothing was set out on the blanket: one of his suit jackets, an old, worn out cardigan, and a faded grey t-shirt with the KitKat logo printed onto it. Eggsy toed off his sneakers, more tears rolling down his cheeks and onto the floor. He took a look around the room and sighed, noticing that the digital alarm clock that sat on a nightstand beside Harry's bed was positioned a bit off. He narrowed his eyes and leant over to shift it so that it was correctly positioned. He didn't remember touching it since the incident.

 _We've got obsessions,_  
_I wanna erase every nasty thought that bugs me every day of every week._

Eggsy sighed and dropped down onto the bed, sitting on the edge with his legs dangling over the side. He swallowed hard enough that it almost hurt because of how sore his throat was, the product of barely talking anymore, smoking, and the excessive amount of yelling and crying he performed. Eggsy grunted and leant over to grab the three articles of clothing and bunch them into his chest, a tight ball of what was essentially left of Harry. Now that Eggsy was thinking, he realized hat he had no idea about what Kingsman had done with Harry's body. He didn't know if they had gone to Kentucky to get him and bring him to HQ, or if they had decided to simply leave him at that godforsaken church, just another casualty of the church massacre. Eggsy closed his eyes tightly and feel back on the bed. He eventually ended up in a fetal position with Harry's clothing pulled to his chest. He stopped weeping after a few minutes and fell into a calm that was only interrupted by the occasional post-cry hiccup.

 _We've got obsessions,_  
_You never told me what it was that made you strong and what it was that made you weak._

At some point, JB stalked into the room and brushed up against Eggsy's back before dropping onto his stomach. The pug snorted quite unceremoniously and wormed his way up against Eggsy's spine. With Eggsy's current predicament, JB was one of the only beings that brought him comfort and strength. Even just the pug's presence brought him happiness and distraction from the thought of Harry. The thought of Harry was crippling, if Eggsy was being completely truthful.

 _Sunday, wake up, give me a cigarette,_  
_Last night's love affair is looking vulnerable again._

After an hour or so, Eggsy hadn't really been keeping track of time, the room seemed completely quiet and almost peaceful, which was rare. JB was snoring quietly, but Eggsy didn't exactly count that as a sound. The real sounds were the incessant noises that bugged Eggsy to no end. 

At one point, Eggsy eyes became heavy and he began to drift into unconsciousness. He felt as if he was actually going to drift into a restful sleep, but, coinciding with his horrific luck, their was what sounded like a knock at his door. It wasn't even the front door, no, the sound was too loud. The sound was coming from right outside the bedroom door, which wasn't even closed. JB sniffed the air and immediately leaped off of the bed, sprinting to the door faster than Eggsy had seen in a while. Eggsy shot up, grabbing the pistol that he kept underneath his pillow. The door slowly opened and a familiar tall stranger with an eye patch poked his head in. The man smiled and stepped in fully.

"Hello, Eggsy," Harry greeted.


End file.
